SMHF's Key to the Cure

I have got to get out more.  At last night's Sarasota Memorial Healthcare Foundation's Key to the Cure event at Saks Fifth Avenue, there were almost 700 people and just scads of pretty young things whom I did not know.  I just saw a sea of pink, pink, pink.

Saks was packed to an inch of its life and it was actually a bit difficult to move around.  There were tons of food stations from various restaurants, which I did not get to sample.  Poor, poor me.  Taking pictures and talking to people usually leaves me very little time to eat, plus I don't want to stand around with a possible piece of spinach in my teeth!

There were no decorated bras this year, nor models parading around half naked, but this year they had keys to various prizes, of which there were tons!  They said you had an 80% chance of winning if you purchased a key.  That sounds like pretty good odds!  Prizes were valued from $20 to $3500.

There were photos being taken, which you could buy, glitter tattoos you could have applied, among other fun things, but it looked like the main thing to do was to just catch up with everyone after the long summer break.  And of course, raise money for a good cause - breast cancer prevention and treatment!

Others there and not photographed below included SMHF CEO Alex Quarles, Dr. Krista Toomre and Dr. Harold Johnson, Tamara Chapman, Dr. Elizabeth Callahan, John Chapman, Kelly Gettel, Beth Cannata-Keefe, Dr. Bill and Crystal Lahners, Deb Knowles, Beth Knopik, Susan Jones, Lisa Intagliata, Betty Intagliata, Kaye Chase, Andrea Hillebrand, Barbara Banks, Kyla Weiner, Gloria Good, Brent Greeno, Kim and Phil Mancini, Dr. Sheri Weinstein, Gil and Elisabeth Waters, Myrna Welch, Suzanne Atwell, Scott Collins and about 600 more!   

Sally Schule and Dr. Allison Silver Schwartz

Julie Milton and Kelly Romanoff

Salena Wilhoit and Gayle Guynup

Aimee Cogan

Donna Barcomb and Gwen MacKenzie

Wendy Feinstein

Helen Sosso and Miqui Lora

Jenni Hudson and Monica Barth

Penny Hill and Susan Dabney

Chelsea Veeneman, Courtney Adams, and Lea Mei

Margaret Wise and Gina Clamage

Jacqueline Morton and Sandra Lindqvist

Diana Kelly and Jackie Kelly

Carol Butera and Caryn Patterson

Anita Simpson and Lisa Beckstein

Chris Pinckney and Johanna Gustafsson

Scott Anderson and Hillary Steele

Alex Miller, Noelle Haft, Chris Voelker

Tammy Halstead. Diana Riser, and Kelley Lavin

My Apologies, Madame Secretary

 

(This is NOT a political post - it is a style post.)

I want to publicly apologize to Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton.  For several months now, whenever I see a photo of her, I think to myself, "What the heck is she thinking with her hair?? It looks terrible." Earlier today, I was reading the blog NYSD and at the bottom of Liz Smith's column was a photo of Hillary from 2006.   

Photo from NYSD blog

My first thought was, "She looks so pretty and fresh there.  I wonder why she doesn't look like that anymore?".  And then it immediately dawned on me.  How stupid am I?  I think she was only a senator from New York in 2006 who had tons more time and energy to spend on making herself look beautiful.  If I was in her current position of Secretary of State, not that I ever could or would be, I would probably look a million times worse!

People, men and women, tend to age dramatically in these extremely high stress jobs.  We see how each US President ages in office.  I can only imagine that the Secretary of State job is almost as stressful, plus they have to constantly fly around the world.  Jet lag doesn't look good on anyone.

AP photo by Evan Vucci

 

 

AP photo by Karel Navarro

 

Judging how our public figures look, whether they are politicians, movie stars, or business leaders, is just human nature.  I think especially if you have an aesthetic eye, as I do, sometimes (or always!) that's what first comes into you mind when you see a photo, without thinking of the context of the photo.  I do think we tend to be much harder on women than men.  I mean for heaven's sake, President Obama doesn't even have to comb his hair, let alone worry about styling it!

 

I must say, in the two current photos of Hillary above, I think her wardrobe choices are impeccable.  And now that I think about it, her current hair style is probably as carefree as she can make it for her extremely busy life and easy to pull back in a ponytail when she needs to, as she is flying all over creation trying to help solve the actual, real problems of the world.

 

So, I want to end this by saying to Madame Secretary, "I am sorry for judging your hair.  I am so proud of you and all you are doing and have done.  You are a remarkable role model.  And you know what, I actually do love a headband every now and then!

10 Tips for Looking Your Best No Matter Your Size

In the newest issue of Newsweek, Robin Givhan writes about "Fashion's Full-Figured Failure".  In a nutshell, it is about how fashion industry and Vogue had made a pledge to feature more "normal" size women, not stick-thin young teens, and how that pledge has gone by the wayside.  You know what, that's okay with me.  Fashion is a business and clothes show best on hangers, which happens to be stick thin models.  I never have based my attractiveness or self worth on how runway or print models look and you shouldn't either. 

Don't we all know by now, that even these beautiful girls or young women, are air brushed within an inch of their lives?  I don't want an air-brushed life.  I want a living, breathing, real life where I am not obsessed by my looks.  Oh, believe me, I think about what I look like and what I wear, but I don't obsess. 

As many of you know, I am currently a plus-size woman and have been for about 10 years.  I do not let that stop me from dressing beautifully.  In fact, most days I receive at least one compliment on what I am wearing and/or how I look.  I don't need to be a size zero to look terrific, but I do put effort into it.  Here are 10 tips to help you look terrific, too, no matter what your size:

1.  The first tip, put effort and thought into looking well-dressed and attractive.  It takes me about 5 minutes to do my hair - from wet to finished, 10 minutes to do my make-up, and 5 minutes to get dressed.  It takes just as much time to put on something ugly and ill-fitting, as it does to put on something that will make you feel fabulous all day.

2.  Smile, be interesting, and be friendly.  How much more attractive are people who greet you with a warm smile, a friendly hello, and follow that up by being able to converse in an interesting manner?

3.  Find your style.  I know what looks great on me and my body and I pretty much stick to it.  That helps me in a multitude of ways.  I know what stores I will find my style so I don't waste time wandering into places that aren't right for me, most of my clothes complement each other so I don't have odd pieces that don't go with anything, and I don't have to be a slave to the newest fad.

My St. John suits are timeless, as is my pearl necklace.  I also have several silk flower pins.  This one in orange looks perfect with my lime green suit.  I know this style is always flattering on me.  I am pictured with my friend, Renee Hamad.

Photo by Stephanie Hannum

 

4.  Buy things with a plan and when you see them, that way you will always have something to wear, no matter what the occasion.  I shop twice a year, once in the fall and once in the spring.  I look at my calendar and see what I have coming up for that season and what I might need.  Then I usually wait for Saks Friends and Family weekend and get what I need.  At this point in my life, I rarely need anything.  Now, it goes something like this, "Okay, I haven't bought a new handbag in awhile, so maybe this is the season to add to my collection."  Or maybe something like this, "I am getting a little bored with some of my suits or they are getting a little worn looking, so I should look at replacing a few of them."  I am never desperate to find something because over the years I have built up a good, serviceable wardrobe where I always have something to wear for every part of my life.  I tend to do things in bunches.   I have all my ball gowns made for me, so I when I last went to Orlando to my favorite fabric store, I bought material for four gowns and had four new ones made.  I haven't had to think about a new one for a few years now.  It's just easier that way.  I also find that certains styles tend to come and go.  For instance, I have a lot of St. John suits.  Some years, I buy several and some years I buy nothing because their styles and colors cycle out and I know what colors and styles look best on me and those aren't always available each season.

One of the ball gowns I had made for me, with my friend Julie Milton.

Photo by Cliff Roles

5.  Buy the best you can afford.  I bought my first St. John suit for my 40th birthday.  I am now just coming up to my 55th birthday and I am STILL wearing that suit.  It might have been a little pricey when I bought it, but average that out over 15 years and you have yourself a bargain!  Same with shoes and handbags.  I mostly wear Ferragamo bow pumps because they fit me, are comfortable, and are classics.  I get them re-soled all the time and they look great year after year.  That leads into my next tip....

6.  Take care of  your things.  Polish your shoes, keep your handbags stuffed with tissue and in their cloth bags when you aren't using them.  Hang up your clothes when you take them off.  Treat your things with respect and they will look good for years.  I have a classic Chanel black quilted bag that is probably about 10 years old, but looks brand new because I take care of it.

7.  Tailor your clothes.  It makes a world of difference in how they hang on you.  I think every piece of clothing I have has been altered in some way.  I am plus size, but petite.  I am smaller on the top than I am on the bottom.  No matter what size I am, I am not ever going to be 5'10", so pretty much everything has to be shortened.  I think money for alterations is very well spent.

8.  Don't be afraid to wear your nice things.  I know women who buy nice things and keep them in plastic zippered bags in their closet, only bringing them out to wear once or twice a year.  What are you saving them for?  I wear my nice things constantly.  They give me pleasure when I am wearing them and their ROI is much greater if I actually wear them instead of letting them sit in my closet.

9.  Accessorize, Accessorize, Accesorize.  I wear accessories every day. I know what I like and I concentrate on buying those items.  Because I know my style, most of my accessories go with several outfits, so I get a lot of wear for my money and they make my clothes look more interesting and they also give people something to make small talk about.

I have accesorized with my big pearl necklace (which I noticed I have on in every photo I have featured on this page!) and a gorgeous red silk flower pin, and of course, my dog Bailey, the best accessory of all!

Photo by Rebecca Baxter

10. Lastly, when you are shopping for clothes, shop with a purpose. I never think of it as a social outing and I NEVER go on a shopping trip for myself with friends. I don't need anyone else's approval of my selections and you just get sidetracked with someone else tagging along. If you need help, find a knowledgeable salesperson to help guide you to appropriate choices. If you find a good one in a store you like, they are invaluable because they will know what you already own and can suggest pieces for you.

There you go.  This is what works for me.  I believe these tips work for whatever price point is appropriate for you.  It probably isn't anything you haven't heard before, but maybe you have never allowed yourself to be your best, no matter what your size.  I am allowing you.  Look beautiful, feel beautiful!

A Little Bit of Summer

The Benedict Family, sans son-in-law, who is taking the photo, and me, who is back at the cottage. And no, you are not going to see any photos of me in a swimsuit, because there aren't any!

 

This summer our whole family - husband, daughters, son-in-law, and grandkids - took a long weekend and went to Ginnie Springs in Northern Florida.  Now, I had never heard of it, but apparently lots of people from this area go there.  It is an area where people go tubing, and no, I am not in the photo above because I did not actually go tubing, preferring to stay at the cottage and read.  My family loved it, though!

 

We stayed at the Ichetucknee Hideaway Cottages, which were just delightful.  Their website does not do them justice.  There are about seven cottages in a semi-circle in a densely wooded area.  It has a delightful white fence across the front of the property, is out in the country, and is amidst rolling hills.  I adored it!  Actually, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked it.  When my daughter, Kristin, suggested our family go on this little adventure, I told her I would go, but secretly planned on NOT going at the last minute.  My daughters know me too well.  A few days before we left, they said, "Mom, you ARE going to actually go with us, aren't you?"  They knew tubing was not my idea of fun, but wanted us to spend some quality time together, so of course, for the sake of family togetherness, I went. 

 

For those of you unfamiliar, this area is about 30 minutes west of the interstate about half way between Gainesville and Lake City, though it does have a Lake City address.  After we got off the interstate, we had to drive through a couple of small towns, including High Springs, which was charming in a slightly rundown kind of way.  Lots of antique shops and vintage houses.

The Benedict Grandchildren - Brodie, Marina, and Madeline

 

We were up there Friday, Saturday, and Sunday the weekend of Tropical Storm Debby.  It rained on and off, but we didn't get into any serious rain until the drive home.  The fun started as soon as we left home.  Kristin and her family drove up separately the day before and our other daughter, Holleigh and granddaughter, Madeline, rode up with us and our dog, Bailey and their dog, Rudy.  It was a fun ride.  We hadn't even gotten to Clark Rd. on 75 when Bailey, who was sitting on my lap, decided to throw up in my hand.  Oh yes, fun times right from the start!

 

The best part was that we had our cottages next door to each other with Kristin's family in one and Holleigh and Mads with us.  The kids constantly ran back and forth and we ate every meal together.  I didn't leave the property all weekend.  Each cottage had an adorable screened-in front porch with a ceiling fan.  Since it was a cloudy, rainy weekend, it was delightful to sit out there and read while everyone was off tubing.

 

I really have not ever spent time in that part of the state.  I have only driven on 75 through there en route to other places.  It felt so differently there.  Almost a northern vibe with the different trees and topography.

 

The most memorable part of the weekend was a little incident that happened during lunch on Saturday.  There was a brief respite in the rain and the group had just returned from a morning of tubing.  My husband had insisted on taking my camera, the one I use for my blog, to take photos of them floating down the river.  I did not feel good about this.  My husband, myself, my grandson, and son-in-law Mike, were sitting at the picnic table eating when I asked my husband if he had taken any pictures.  He just said yes and kept eating.  Then my eight-year-old grandson piped up from across the table and said, "Nana, your camera didn't get wet.  It's just fine."  He spoke in a voice that you just knew he was trying to cover for his Papa, even though we had not even mentioned the getting wet thing.  I slowly turned my head to look at my husband, knowing he had something to tell me and it was just like in a TV show.  I looked at him with raised eyebrows and he burst out laughing with a guilty look on his face and food went flying everywhere, just like in a classic spit-take.

 

Well, thank goodness for Brodie, because we all started laughing even though my camera was ruined.  I couldn't get mad because it was such a priceless moment.  Jan had put my camera in a plastic bag with his wallet and was sure it would not get wet, but when he dropped it in the water, it did indeed get wet and was ruined.  Oh, well.  We still talk about it and laugh.

Floating down the river just before the infamous camera incident

 

It was such a fun family weekend of being together and sharing good times.  The ride home was quite scary because the storm was in full force.  We drove through two different areas that were having tornado warnings and I was so nervous I literally felt like I couldn't breathe.  Like the recent 50 car pile-up on 75, we had many cars passing us driving like manics in the pouring rain.  What is wrong with people?!  Luckily we didn't pass any accidents, though the drive that took us three and a half hours to get there, took us five hours to return home.  At least we arrived home safe and sound.

 

These are definitely the most precious of times.  The grandkids are old enough to be self-sufficient, yet still young enough to want to spend time with us.  Our daughters are close to each other and close to us.  Who could ask for anything more?

The Season Kick-off

Here it is Oct. 15 already and I am kicking off the new season of my blog.  I posted this photo of pumpkins and corn stalks because it makes me think of fall and rebirth.  I think of fall and the social season as the start of a new year, not Jan. 1.  And it just makes me happy to look at this photo!

I told you there would be some changes this year and I have decided to cut WAY back on my charitable event posting.  Last year I attended almost 90 events and by the time May came around, I was exhausted.  It was truly like having two full-time jobs - my "real" job with SCENE Magazine as Special Issues Director and Society Columnist and then this one, which is totally separate from SCENE that I don't get paid for!  It was just too, too much.

I will still cover a smattering of events, like for Oct. I will cover CANDance and the Key to the Cure party at Saks.  November has a few more on my calendar at seven events.  I will try to plan to post Monday-Friday, for if for some reason, I can't, I am not going to beat myself up for it. 

I have taken the summer to really concentrate on myself and am in the best health I have been in for years.  I have lost almost 20 pounds and hopefully have more to come off.  No trick to it, I just ate smaller portions and gave up most white stuff, like potatoes, white flour, and regular pasta.  I still have a red potato or whole wheat pasta now and then, but I watch it.  Mostly one or two pounds a week since July 1.  It's a miracle how that all works - eat less, lose weight!  What a concept!  There will definitely be NO postings on my weight loss.  I think that subject is boring as all get out.  The only reason I am telling you now is that it was part of my summer of transformational thinking.

Most of the summer I have been struggling to figure out what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life. I am turning 55 next month and for the first time, I am starting to feel like I don't have all the time in the world to accomplish my dreams.  I need to get busy and make some important ones come to fruition.  I copied a quote off the Internet the other day and taped it on the cover of my laptop.  It says, "You know all those things you've always wanted to do?  You should go do them."  I wholeheartedly agree.

This blog is a work in progress.  I am still trying to figure out exactly what I want it to be.  If you have any ideas about what YOU would like to see, let me know.  Right now I plan it to be a little about events, a little about my life, a little about all things civilized, a little about books, and a little about a new project I have designed for myself that will kick off with my birthday next month.  It is a bit of an art project, for lack of a better description, that I will work on throughout the year.  I am very excited about it. 

I hope to redesign my masthead and get feedburner installed so you can sign up to receive my posts via email.  That is all in the works.

I think the year 2012-13 will be a hugely transformative year for me, maybe the biggest of my life.  I hope you come along for the ride! 

A New Season

Just wanted to give all of my readers an update....I have taken the summer off and will plan to return to my five days a week posting on October 15th.  Look for some exciting changes!  See you then!

My Father's Daughter

My father and I at a road side park on one of our adventures.  It's my favorite photo of us.

I am my father’s daughter.  I know this to be true.  I don’t have many memories of him, but the ones I do, really reflect who I am as a person. 

I have only written three sentences and I am already crying.  Why is that? 

My father died of pancreatic cancer when I was 10 years old and I have never gotten over it.  To this day I cannot tell my own children, who are now grown women with children of their own, any of my memories of my dad because I immediately start crying and it is truly uncomfortable, and almost unbearable, for all involved, so I keep those memories to myself.  It is very hard not to share them, but also too painful to talk about him at the same time.

My dad had to leave school after the eighth grade because my grandfather forced him to work on a neighboring farm and give his earnings to him.  I never knew my grandfather, but from what I gather, he was not a nice man and that is an understatement.  My father was one of eight children and I am sure my grandfather was the same to all of them.  I know at one point, my father found his youngest brother, who then was only sixteen, living in a car on the street.  He had come home from school one day and his parents had just up and moved away, so my father took him in.  Even with his atrocious upbringing, he was a compassionate and loving man who adored his family.

Even though he had only limited formal schooling, he was a man of great intellect, reading two newspapers a day, and owning the gas station in the little town we lived in.  His gas station was the place where lots of high school boys worked after school, where people could pay their electric bills, and where menfolk would gather to talk about the day’s events and have some pop out of the big chest cooler, just like at Wally’s on the Andy Griffith show.  You not only got gas there, you could also have your car repaired, have it washed, and get new tires.  He had a back room with lots of different tires.  I still am fond of the smell of new tires.  This would have been in the 1950s and 1960s.  He had known that he had to make his own way and he did in a spectacular way.  He had ambition and drive to succeed.  I’d like to think I have a little of that too.

He also was elected to our town council.  Not too long ago, I was going through his wallet that my mother had given me, and there was a newspaper clipping in it.  It said that one of the committees he sat on for the town was oversight of the library.  I have sat on the boards of the Friends of Venice Library, the New College Library Association and the Ringling College Library Association, as libraries are also a passion of mine. 

Even though he was a short man – 5’3’’ – he was very athletic, playing golf, baseball, and of course, bowling.  He loved the Detroit Tigers baseball team and so do I.

He died in May 1968, the month between the April murder of Martin Luther King, Jr. and the June murder of Bobby Kennedy.  I felt like the world was ending.

The next few years, my mother, my four-year-old sister, and I tried to function as a family, but I never felt whole again.  All I wanted was a complete family.  I married my husband, two months after I graduated from high school.  As I look back at it now, I know I was looking for that complete family and I found it.  My husband is just the kind of father to our daughters, that my dad was to me and they adore him, as do our three grandchildren.  I am very lucky to say I have had a “complete” family now for 37 years.

Now about those memories….here are some of my favorite ones….whenever I need comfort, I remember the feeling I had when I would sit nestled next to my father, tucked under his arm, in the pew at St. Cyril’s Catholic Church every Sunday morning.  I can see and almost feel the fabric of the tweed overcoat he wore and feel safe and secure.  Another memory is that just he and I would go for a walk after dinner every night down to Ackett’s drug store and sit at the soda fountain and have a cherry Coke.  I still drink cherry Coke every day, though now it's diet.

My dad used to like to go on adventures.  One that we took together when I was eight years old was to walk the railroad tracks from our little Michigan town to the next town about five miles away.  My mom packed us a paper bag lunch and off we went.  The tracks went over a small river and I still remember how scared I was to cross it, looking down and seeing the water beneath the slats of the track, but my father just kept encouraging me to make the crossing on my own, not knowing that he was preparing me for the future to do so many things on my own without him.

One of those things I did on my own, was to walk down the aisle by myself at my wedding.  I was not about to have anyone stand in for my dad on that day.  I went down the aisle alone, with his spirit by my side.

So now, 44 years after his death, I am still trying to make my dad proud of me.  People always ask me how I accomplish so much and do all that I do.  I don’t usually tell them the truth, but it is because I have to do enough for the both of us.  I have to make Henry Joseph Fedewa proud that I am his daughter and that, even though he was with me for only a few short years, I have turned out just like him.